Hellooooo.

Wow, I haven't updated this thing in forever!

To sum up senior year so far: stress, college, fear, fun, friends, guys, parties, risks, yeah.

I'm really not that much of a party person, really.

My joints are sore.

2008 wasn't that great. Here's to hoping 2009 will be better.

Off to make my wish list (my birthday's in less than two months, yay).

Oh dear.

In all honesty, I'm really confused about everything.

EVERYTHING.

Things I've just realized.

I just realized that for once, I should just stop asking for people's opinions and advice (as helpful as they are) and do what I want to do.

And I am horrible when it comes to plans. I'm really just a "go with the flow" kind of person :)

Also, I really like being involved with school. Like being a part of Leadership and all that good stuff. I wish I had the balls to do all those kinds of things a few years ago.

Tomorrow if a golden train came to take you away, would you go or would you stay?

I'd like to thank Justin Nozuka for giving me eargasms during our last two pointless assemblies. How amazing is he? He's cute AND he has musical abilities! Too bad they don't make 'em like that here in the Ville (did I just refer to this place as "the Ville"? Someone shoot me now). Lately I've been listening to his album Holly nonstop and I am in love with his song "Golden Train". He's coming to The City on October 21st and I really want to go. We'll see what happens.

Senior superlatives can suck my dick. And it's the same shit over and over again. Best eyes, best smile, most likely to succeed, most athletic, blah blah blah. And of course the weird kid that no one really talks to gets the "Most Unique" title. But I'm amused at how the "Best Hair" category was taken out because everyone's getting extensions now. In my opinion, there isn't really anyone that stands out for any category. Well, maybe like one or two but compared to last year's seniors? We can't compete. Even I knew who should've gotten what for last year's class (and I was right for most of them). But this year, that isn't the case. I'm 1000000% sure I'm not going to get nominated for anything. If I do (which won't happen), I don't want to be nominated for anything lame. Plus, I don't think any of the superlatives suit me. But yeah, I'm not voting for anyone for anything so I don't want people to be all "VOTE FOR ME FOR (insert some cheap-ass superlative here that doesn't even apply to the person)" at me because I won't even bother.

God, I don't give a shit if senior year is my last year and I should be doing this and that. I JUST WANT TO GET OUT. NOW.

I've been craving In-N-Out Burger lately. We went on Tuesday after our game against Alisal. God, it was so good. Right now, I really want a cheeseburger with no onions and an order of animal fries.

I just realized that I won't be able to see the next Arsenal game (AGAIN) vs. Blackburn because I'll be over at Fresno for tennis. Bah.

Insomnia.

It's ridiculous how addicted I am to Gossip Girl. I missed a few minutes of it because my mother dragged me to go with her to get food and the people over at the KFC/Long John Silver's drive-thru misinterpreted our order. I have a love/hate thing for Dan Humphrey. I loved him in the beginning of the first season. I'm crazy attracted to him but I think he's a douche. I still think Leighton Meester is ridiculously gorgeous and I still have an insanely big girlcrush on her.

I really should be sleeping right now but I can't. Instead, I'm burning CDs of random mixes consisting of upbeat (mostly happy) music that doesn't remind me of anything or anyone. It's really addicting. I don't really make any great mixes but whatever.

I can't really think of anything else to talk about. Went to Luci to SoCal this weekend. I'm a bit tired to describe everything so I'll probably try some other time.

Baby girl, you're so beautiful.

I plan to be boy drama free for the rest of my senior year and I'm very pleased with my decision. I told Christian if I ever am tempted to get a boyfriend this year, he needs to slap me (fuck buddies don't count, ROFL). High school relationships are not worth my time. Okay, I know I promised myself I wouldn't have a boyfriend my sophomore year and I ended up getting one anyways but this time IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!! I really do believe patience pays off :)

I'm going to LA during the Labor Day Weekend with Luci and I'm quite excited. There's a tennis game tomorrow and I'm going to miss it because of the LA trip. Eh, fuck it. I gotta get out of this place for a little. Whateva whateva, I do what I want! Haha.

Speaking of tennis, I am actually pretty excited for this season. It doesn't really matter to me if we win league or not. I really do like playing. God, it's like I have a love-hate relationship with tennis. Also, it keeps me in shape. Considering that I spent most of my summer sitting on my ass, tennis is a good thing.

Before accomplishing any of my other goals, my main goal is to build up my self-confidence. So far, I feel like I have been improving. I was feeling quite depressed a few weeks ago but with the help of talking to people I care about the most and the power of music, that has all changed. I know I can't change the things I was depressed about but I really do believe things will work out. I have been listening to music that doesn't really remind me of anything yet makes me really happy. And the thought of graduation has been keeping me going.

I got Skullcandy Smokin' Buds headphones a few days ago and I love them. For the price, it's pretty damn good. I have a feeling they won't last very long but most headphones I get never do, so it's nothing new.

The only thing constant in this world is change.

I'm eight school days into my senior year. Exciting. Yet I'm still listening to summer mixes. Go figure.

This year's schedule:
1 - Leadership
2 - Physics
3 - TA for Geometry
4 - AP English Lang/Comp
5 - Economics/Fed. Gov
6 - AP Calculus AB

I would've taken Honors Econ/AP Gov but it was only offered 6th period. AP Calc AB/AP Calc BC are only offered 6th as well. Whatever, less summer homework for me to do. Honestly, I would've chosen Honors Econ because I don't really care for math. I still don't know why I chose AP Calc. Apparently, four years of math looks better on apps. Apps are probably the only reason why I'm doing shit. Otherwise, if it were up to me I'd take bullshit classes and stay home after school. I don't even know why I bother with AP/Honors classes. I'm the biggest fucking slacker known to man. I miss AP Art History though. They're going on another trip but this time they're going to London and Paris. I WANT TO GO SO BADLY, but I'm probably going to end up going to the Philippines with the family. I really do love the motherland and I want to see my relatives but I've never been to London and/or Paris before and dammit, I've always wanted to go. I can figure all that out later, but I have to focus on not fucking up this year.

I don't know how I feel about tennis this year. There is a really big part of me that doesn't want to play and the rest of me kinda wants to play (but that part is very little). I feel like I have to play though. If I didn't people would be chasing me down like last year. I hate it. But being on the team has done so much for me that I have to do my part by being a part of it. Honestly, I'm not really that into it anymore. I get tired of a lot of things easily. I lost my love of playing two years ago. I only played my junior year to help me out with college apps. You can't really explain why you're not into certain things anymore. It just happens. I remember how after not playing after only two days or just seeing other people play, I'd be longing to play. It's not like that anymore. Yesterday, I told Tony I wouldn't be playing for a little bit because there are a lot of things going on in my life and my mind isn't in the right place right now. Along with my lack of passion, it's been affecting the way I've been playing.

During the past week, I've broke down over the stupidest (yes, I know that isn't a word), littlest things. I had a talk with someone and they told me things could be a lot worse and yeah, it is true. But fuck, I'm human. I'm self-centered, immature, and flawed but I'm not afraid to admit that. Knowing me, if something sucks in my life then I will fucking mope over it for however long it takes me. And right now is my moping time. I'm not going to keep moping. Of course I have to do something about it and it'll take time to get everything right.

Our first rally was on Friday. What a waste of time. The whole Hawaiian theme is so overdone and it makes me want to stab my eyes out. And it sucked because Christian is a junior and I'm a senior. Each grade gets assigned seating and the juniors were on the other side of us. So I got stuck with people I don't really care for. I'm pretty sure it's going to be like this all year. Why, oh why can't he be a senior?! Blah. Our school is planning to make separate proms for juniors and seniors. Fuck that. NO ONE CAN SEPARATE ME FROM THE DAMIAN TO MY JANIS IAN. Hearing "Paper Planes" (by M.I.A.) playing was quite surprising. If I hear another person call that song "The Pineapple Express Song", I will cut a bitch. Good Lord. That was my song last summer anyways. It's funny how a year later, everyone now is all like OMG M.I.A. YEAH especially people I can't stand. The first time I listened to her, it was cool because she was kinda like a "hidden gem" but now pretty much everyone knows about her but she's getting that paper so good for her.

Hmm, what else? Olympics are ending soon and that makes me sad. The delayed coverage pissed me off for a while (because I was constantly being spoiled, boo East Coasters) but I didn't seem to mind it afterwards. I come for the competition, I stay for the hotties. Eamon Sullivan and Alexandre Despatie are welcome in my pants anytime. I am very attracted to Ryan Lochte but when he opens his mouth, the attraction is gone for a while. And I can't forget about Phelps. 8 gold medals, goodness. From what I've heard he's a douche. I hope he really isn't because I really do want to like him. Then there are the 10-year-old Chinese gymnasts or whatever. I don't care what anyone says, I love Cheng Fei. I love Nastia the most though. I know a lot of people don't like her because she looks bitchy or whatever, but I think she's amazing. I don't really care for Shawn Johnson though. I don't know. Oh, there's this guy on the USA men's gymnastics team that looks like Prince Harry. All I have to say is YES PLZ. Our beach volleyball teams are amazing. I could ramble on about the Olympics all day, really.

Really cliché teenager-ish thing to say but I feel so misunderstood all the damn time. It's mainly my fault because I don't really open up to people verbally and I'm horrible at verbalizing my problems. I'm glad I have blogs and all that because I'm able to put all the things (the way I want to) I'm not comfortable telling people.

Hm, I don't really know what else to put. I miss My Boo. A lot.

Oh, I got a Moleskine planner a few weeks ago and I love it. I've been decorating it. It's lots of fun, really.

Wow, it's been a while since I've last updated this thing.

So I'm a senior now. I don't know how to feel about that, but I am really looking forward to making a fresh start and leaving all this high school BS behind.

HOW MANY BOYZ

I have the urge to go shopping. I have no style whatsoever and it's depressing.

Let me just say that I adore M.I.A.'s style. She pulls off things most people can't. It's crazy.

Portugal/Germany game tomorrow! I'm pretty sure I'm going to miss the ending though because I'm getting a haircut at around 1. Yeah, it's about time I'm getting a haircut.

Honestly, I don't know how I feel about anything. Especially guys. Maybe I should just pull a Tila Tequila. I just really want things to run smoothly, but the things I'm doing aren't helping. I don't know how long I'll keep up with this.

FUCK IT, THUG LIFE! LOLOL.

God, I have the biggest crush on Robin van Persie from the Netherlands national football/soccer team and Arsenal FC (my team!). I think he's amazing. Shame he hasn't been in top condition as of late. He scored against France a few days ago though! They're playing against Romania tomorrow (well, the reserves are...I think?) and I'm really hoping Romania wins. Then we could say "au revoir" to Les Bleus and "arrivederci" to the Azzuri.
The list of soccer players/footballers I have been lusting over: Fabregas (!!!), Xabi Alonso, van Persie, Podolski, Iker, Henry (I think he's gorgeous even if he did leave Arsenal and plays for France). No Cristiano Ronaldo. We went our separate ways, haha. Don't worry, I appreciate the talent as well.

Anyways, the reason I'm making this post? I wish I knew what I wanted. Especially when it comes to guys.

Throughout my junior year, I was just trying to get over a certain situation. I was just an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, I'd be thinking about how badly I wanted to turn back time. The next minute, I'd really want a relationship but I'd be scared to follow through because I didn't want to be hurt again. The next next minute, I'd be thinking, "Fuck it, I just wanna have fun and just hook up with whoever I can."

Honestly, I thought I was over it. But I guess not. When I heard about what happened a few days ago, I felt so betrayed. I felt like I was fucked over. I just wanted to get revenge. I tried to convince myself I don't really care but there was that little part of me that still does. I don't know if I'll ever get over it.

Now, summer is here and I'm already talking to some guys. What is going to happen? Serious relationship? Summer fling? Random hook up? I guess there is always going to be that part of me that wants to have a relationship. I just know that for now, I want to have fun. Of course, I'll be careful and watch out for myself. I don't know, maybe a fling or a hook up would turn into something serious? I doubt it though.

I'm watching Clueless at the moment, and some of the lines about boys in this movie are amazing.

• "I don't know why Dionne is going out with a high school boy. They're like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them and they're just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you."
• "So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so."
• "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."

One more year, geez. I remember talking with a friend about senior year and guys. We agreed that being single might make the year more fun because we wouldn't be so restricted. But ugh, there is always going that part of me that is longing for a relationship. Anyways. College guys probably won't be any better, but they'll probably be hotter. Haha. I've been wanting to go to another college party. Ahhh, all those cute guys!

Beneath it all, I just really want a guy

• that'll take care of me
• that is nice
  
• that can be my best friend as well
• with an amazing personality
• I can trust and tell anything to
• that'll help me through my hardest times and motivate me
  
• who could effortlessly make me smile/laugh
• whose eyes I can look into and with that one stare, all my troubles would be melted away
• who wouldn't be afraid to be called "whipped"
• who can think for themselves
• who is open to new ideas
  
• who would love me for me and would show that they do
  
• God, this is turning into a laundry list. Maybe that's why I'm unable to find a boyfriend.
  

Ugh.

It's been a while since I made a post, huh?

It's official: I hate guys.

I like hot soccer players though. My life as of right now consists of Euro 2008, eating, sleeping, computer, and that's basically it.

R.I.P.

My mom's aunt passed away this morning. Yesterday, she wasn't able to eat. My mom was already talking about the burial and flying there, but I never expected my grandmother to die today. She's planning to fly out on the 11th and coming back on the 22nd. We were supposed to go to the Philippines this summer. I told my mom I didn't want to go for reasons of my own. I feel selfish, because my grandma really did want to see us for one last time. What if we did go? Would this not have happened? Did this happen because I did something wrong (karma)? I feel so paranoid about it. I don't know how to feel. People keep dying, and I just feel like I'm taking advantage of my life. I'm concerned about my mother though. This is the woman that took care of her (as well as her siblings and cousins) and the reason why she is the way she is today. I don't really know what else to say. I tried to make a playlist about this whole situation but I can't bring myself to do it.

R.I.P. Apong Cion.

Junior year reflections.

I am officially a senior. God, my very first day of high school was not too long ago. I remember trying to find my Bio class and I just kept frantically running around the place. Then, I saw some sophomore (now a graduate, I think) also trying to find first period class. She asked me if I was nervous and I said yes. I was thinking, "No! You're not supposed to say yes or you'll look like the dumb freshman you are." She replied with a "Aww, don't be nervous." I never really asked for her name and I forgot what she looked like seconds after.

I went to graduation yesterday and I kept thinking, "I'm going to be there in a year." It's so weird. The seniors kept throwing the traditional beach balls as well as blow-up dolls and corn tortillas. Yes, corn tortillas. The speeches were quite cliché but props because I don't think I'd have the balls to get up and give a speech. They were long so I was relieved to hear that one girl recite her poem. Really, it was just like any other graduation I've attended. Afterwards, I tricked Christian and told him I had to tell him about someone we have talked about (because I know he's a sucker for that kind of thing) then egged him because he floured me on my birthday, haha.


Well, hooray for junior year finally being over. Junior year was just a bitch, really. I'll sum it up in different categories:

Academics: I came into junior year with a lot of motivation and vigor. I would always hear about how junior year was the hardest year of your high school career, so I was prepared to work. I had a good first semester and I would've had a better one if I didn't screw up my AP US History notebook. Eventually, my school performance declined. I felt like I had no reason to wake up and with all these honors/AP classes, I felt inferior compared to most of my classmates. I promised myself I would never let certain people or situations get to me or my academics but it happened again.

Guys: Every year in high school, I've had a boyfriend. I had one in freshman year, then in sophomore year. However, I did not have any boyfriends during my junior year. It was pretty hard for me because throughout the first half of the year, I still had feelings for my previous boyfriend and a big part of me was scared of being hurt again. We were not together for long time but I liked him a lot and ended up getting dumped (because he didn't have time for me; what's ironic is that I said something similar to the previous, previous boyfriend). Ah, I guess that's what you get in return for treating a nice guy (the previous, previous boyfriend) like shit. Because I was trying really hard to get over the past relationship, I began "falling" for random guys I wouldn't usually like. Then, some things happened with some guy I met at a party but I don't want to talk too much about it. Oh, and something I found interesting: I went to a party with my cousin and she told me a bunch of guys were asking about me but she was being overprotective and told them to bug off. Boooo. And most of the guys at that party were cute and Filipino ("cute" and "Filipino" in the same sentence?! Say it ain't so!). Anyways, where was I? Eventually, I got over the previous boyfriend and a new infatuation was born. I will not say much about him, but I will say this: He does not go to my school and is a grade below me. I find it funny that he's a grade below me because throughout the year, I've always been saying things like, "Oh, I want a mature, older guy who'll take care of me and blah blah blah" then I form an infatuation with someone a grade below me. It's not too bad, right? I don't really know him, but I'm working on that. Honestly, I want to achieve happiness within myself first before finding someone else that makes me happy.

Friends: Throughout the year, I mostly hung out with Luci and Christian. Oh, and sometimes Brenda when she wasn't busy (which was rarely). And of course, Stefen when he still was over at WHS. I'd say I had a pretty good time with them. However, towards the end of the year, I began to miss My Boo a lot. We started talking again through Myspace, and I was really glad that we were talking again. I missed being able to act however or say/do whatever I wanted. I know I could do that now, but it's just not the same with other friends. Like, I just can't have a serious conversation with Christian. Ever. And conversations with certain friends are just way too school-centered. With her, we could have off-the-wall conversations or emotional ones. It's just not the same feeling with the friends I hang out with at school.

Tennis: I liked our team this year (in general). Our season was pretty much drama-free compared to the last one. But the Fresno trip wasn't as fun as the year before. We finally beat Monterey, haha. Hmm, I had fun playing doubles with Lissette and I won some doubles award thing with her, but I guess Tony is going to pair up Julia and me next season. Yeah, didn't make it to CCS, but Luci and Karina did so that is good. We have a better chance at getting the league title next season. Yeah, I know our league is probably easy as shit (except for Monterey) but whatever.

Other things: The WHS vs. PV game! Talk about a movie ending. Juan decided to be awesome again and join us. There were about only 30 seconds left, and we were down one point. PV punted the ball and Joey Ponzio catches it at the 35-yard line. He just kept running towards the end zone and we kept yelling "RUN! RUN! RUN!" and as soon as he made that touchdown, we blew our blow horn like a motherfucker and started screaming our lungs out. The away side fell silent. On our side, everyone, including myself, was jumping and screaming and knowing how old our bleachers are, you'd think they'd fall off. I'm usually scared of the bleachers, but I was so full of excitement that I didn't give a shit if I fell through those big-ass gaps. We waited for the clock to end, then stormed the fields. I will NEVER forget that game. I haven't been to a lot of high school football games, but that game has to be the best one I've ever witnessed. We didn't get an actual trophy (a big-ass coffee cup, whatever) and we didn't win a lot of games, but we won the one game that mattered. Hm, what else happened this year? Rallies were wack, except for the homecoming one. Some stupid shit (gang fights and whatnot) went down afterwards but before that, it was pretty fun. I miss having rallies at the old gym. Dances...the only ones I went to were the homecoming dance (which consisted of lots of banda and that kind of music) and prom. Prom was fun though. I really wished some of the friends I hang out with could've gone because I knew they would've had fun. But there's always next year, yes?


God, I write way too fucking much. Took the SAT Subject Tests today (US History and Math 2...what the FUCK was I thinking?) and saw Philip and Michael. It's been a while. I didn't even recognize Philip at first. When we took our break, he said hi to me, and I said, "Oh wow, I didn't even recognize you!" loudly and some old lady told me to be quiet. Okay, whatever. It's probably the same bitchy lady that monitored the SAT Reasoning Test last time I took it. It's so insane though. I haven't seen some of these kids in the longest time and we talk about people I went to school with and whatnot. Afterwards, Luci and I got some food at The Bean and I went over to her place. Her brother was having a graduation party. I couldn't stay longer because I had to attend some other graduation party. Tomorrow, I have another graduation party to attend. My dad tells me to attend all these parties because I'm graduating next year and they'll probably throw me some Filipino party too. God, I'm graduating next year. Time needs to slow the fuck down.


I made a playlist I've been listening to non-stop. It's basically a bunch of songs I'd listen to during the summer that I can chill to. So far, it has 30 songs and I'm planning to add to my collection as time goes by. Here's my playlist so far (not in any particular order):

We're all self-conscious, I'm just the first to admit it.

I broke down in school. In front of a teacher. Thankfully, it was just us. I felt so embarrassed, but I felt a lot better afterwards. I don't know if I should get back on meds or not. Part of me doesn't, but there's a part of me that does. I just want to get everything back on track. I need to. I don't know why I can't just flat out tell people my problems instead of worrying of what they'll have to say. I'm just really glad that school is coming to an end. I'll have the summer to sort everything out, hopefully.

To a certain girl:

I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. God. I will never forgive myself for leaving you. I fear that I might never see you again. It's been too long. Things aren't the same. I feel so incomplete without you. Lately, I haven't been acting or feeling like myself and you're the only one that can fix that. You're probably the only one that understands me better than anyone I know. You're the one I can tell pretty much anything to without being afraid of being judged. I need to see you soon. I just feel so lost. I love you so much, and I really want to see you again.

Prom 2008

My prom experience in a list form...
Pros:

• For once, it was not held at the Cocoanut Grove.
  
• Avalon Nightclub (where we had our prom) had these really nice booths and it was really spacious.
  
• Music: Unlike most WHS dances, the majority of the music was NOT Mexican. There were some songs here and there. A lot of people at school like that kind of thing but there are a lot of us that aren't really into that. I'm surprised the DJ played "Sandstorm" and those kinds of songs.
• Dancing on stage: SO. MUCH. FUN. It was getting so hot though and there were too many of us that they didn't allow anyone on stage.
• I didn't have to worry about anyone having the same dress as me.
• Prom always gives people something to talk about, whether if it's a "They broke up?" or "She wore that?" or "He did what?"
  

Cons:

• I didn't look the way I wanted to. I feel like such a bitch. I know my sister's friend's mom was doing us a favor by doing my hair and makeup but I just didn't really like it. The first time she did my hair, it was flipped out, then curled, and eventually I decided I wanted it up. It was good, but I don't know. It just wasn't what I exactly wanted. The makeup? I realized I looked like a freaking crack addict geisha with the pounds of makeup applied on me. Maybe it's because I don't apply makeup on a daily basis? I don't know.
• Hardly any pictures because I don't like having mine taken. It's no fair. Every freaking girl is supposed to look gorgeous with their prom attire. But me? I look like a fucking clown with all that makeup that was one shade lighter than my skin.
  
• Buses were late.
  
• The ride there and back. Okay, I just really had to go to the bathroom and refused to use the ones on the bus.
• The dance floor could've been bigger. Then again, some people including myself didn't think so many people would actually get up and dance.
• Music: more variety. BUMP SOME M.I.A.!!! That's unlikely, but maybe some rock-ish/pop-ish stuff?
• Decorations? None. And we had some sort of fairytale theme, I think.
  
• My shoes hurt my feet like a bitch. I ended up taking them off when we went on stage to dance then left them off for the rest of the time.
• Wherever one goes, the rest follow. Okay, I was totally guilty of that but I usually can't stand that kind of thing. Personally, I just went off to wherever I wanted to go by myself.
  
• My feet hurt and I am sore from all that dancing.
• I wish certain people would've came.

Miscellaneous:

• Ahh, the array of prom dresses. Some girls looked like they were going to a wedding, while others looked like they were dressed up for their quinceañera. On the other hand, there were some girls that were hardly wearing anything. I can't really think of one dress I absolutely loved. The few that stood out: that one revealing red dress (the girl was better off wearing nothing), Celeste's short zipper dress, that crazy dress with the prints (I don't think I saw anyone else with prints, so kudos for originality), I'm sure there were a few others but that's all I could think of for now. Other than that, most dresses looked the same. Lots of bubble skirts. That "trend" needs to die now. I don't like dresses with deep v-neck cuts, or whatever you call them. Okay, I just don't like prom dresses in general.
• Some guy came wearing a backpack and there were some guys wearing caps.
• Lots of girls with extensions. I don't know how I feel about that.
• Some people got kicked out because they came drunk/with alcohol.
• Apparently, someone vomited by where they took prom pictures.
• Some couples broke up, while some just argued.
• Some guy that got expelled from some school, our school, then some other school got on stage and just started stripping. We were all just waiting for him to take off his boxers, then he got kicked off the stage.
• 2 of the whitest people at our vastly Mexican populated school won Prom King and Prom Queen.
• Some people took the little candle holder things to use as shot glasses, haha.
  
• There's this one song that was played and it went something like "To the left! To the right! Hop 3 times! Clap your hands! Cha cha now! Criss cross! Take it back now!" and since then I've had it stuck on my head. At the time, I thought the song was never going to end. I found the song here because I couldn't get it out of my head.

Honestly, I never really pictured myself going to prom. I always thought I would be the one sitting at home with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia watching some random movie on TBS/TNT/USA Network/one of those channels. I was planning to just go next year because I didn't feel like spending money on the bid, dress, hair, etc. and senior year is THE year. I don't see why you have to wait for one year to have all the fun.

After prom activities: No, I did not drown myself in gallons of alcohol or lose my virginity in some sleazy hotel room. Okay, I drank a little but just to the point where I was feeling a little light-headed. Anyways, after prom we got some food from the Burger King drive-thru then went to Jasmine's house. I just borrowed some clothes from Jasmine because I didn't bring any extra clothes. We just stayed outside eating our BK. There was a fire lit and a tent set up. God, those fries were warm and crispy and they were amazingly good. I don't know if it was because I was hungry (they didn't really give us a dinner and it was just appetizers which I hardly ate) or because it was really freaking good. I got a Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich. I was having a hard time digesting food but at the same time, I was really hungry. After eating, we sat around the fire and then I started drinking a little and all that good stuff. While we were doing that, there was a beer can tab on the ground and Amy said it looked like mini handcuffs, haha. Blah blah blah, other stuff happened but I just really wanted to sleep. At 6 in the morning, I heard voices and I was just thinking "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SLEEP, THANKS." I don't even get up at 6 during school days so I don't see why the hell I'd do that on the weekend. I ended up sleeping until 8-ish or so. I looked even more like shit when I got up. We just sat around the fire, then left and I got some mocha. Then, I took a long bubble bath.

I really wanted to go to the after party even if I was pretty tired, but I guess I am kinda glad I didn't. Me + alcohol + the opposite sex = bad experiences. They weren't necessarily bad but I just wouldn't want to experience anything similar in the future.

Overall, I'd say I'm glad that I went to prom this year. Next year's prom will be better, I hope, because I already know I'm going. I don't know if I'll even have a date but even if I don't, going with friends is always fun. Honestly, I've always wanted to be asked to prom in some sort of special way like those Laguna Beach kids. Lucky bitches. Maybe I'll just pay someone to do that sort of thing, haha. As for dresses, I want a vintage dress! I'm going to get a dress I'm in love with. No, I have to. And I won't listen to Christian and his wack-ass prom dress suggestions because I hate pretty much every dress he likes. Even the one that I liked in the beginning when I went dress shopping at Valley Fair which I ended up not liking. I can't help it if I don't like them. He'll probably get all pissy but whatever. It's my last prom and I'm gonna be running shit. I'm not really sure what'll happen after prom, but I want sober fun because getting drunk after prom doesn't sound too appealing anymore.

Google Image Labeler is so addicting! I know it's a way for Google to trick people to do work for them, which is smart.

A little something I'd like to add: R.I.P. Christian's grandfather and Yves Saint Laurent, one of the most influential designers of all-time.

"I think prom is horrible and tacky and gross."

Just got back from the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. First time I've been there since freshman year? Sometime around there. Went with Amy and I finally got to meet her boyfriend. I saw quite a lot of people I knew there. I knew some of the people that worked there so I got the hookups, haha. Hmm, what else? We were trying to avoid this one guy (well, she was) but as soon as we got of one of the rides he pops out of nowhere. And we saw some girl with fly as hale chola eyebrows. They were black and silver. I tried so hard not to laugh in front of her. Oh man.

I'm sure everyone's already had their prom already, but ours is coming up on the 31st. I had to exchange my dress yesterday. I bought a BCBG Max Azria dress at Macy's in Valley Fair for about $200. I thought it was really cute and it was different from the typical prom dress. And here's me sporting the dress:
I just felt the need to black out my face because I've been breaking out like crazy lately. Eeek. I had to exchange the dress because my zipper sucked. I told my mom that I could've just put the dress over my head and the gap from the zipper wasn't too noticeable but she still insisted that I exchange the dress. Our first stop was Macy's in Capitola. The dresses in the juniors' section seemed so repetitive and boring. I'm sure other girls would've loved them though. My mom picked out a few dresses for me to try out. There was this pink one that she LOVED. I liked it too because it was comfortable and all, but I thought it wasn't a representation of who I was or what I liked. We exchanged the dress for a strapless bra and a pair of silver Naturalizer shoes then made an appointment with the people over at Clinique for my makeup for prom. I'm so makeup-challenged, I swear. I asked my mom about hair and she said that my sister's friend's mom used to do hair so hopefully she'll be able to do mine.

After all that, we went to Valley Fair. I tried finding the BCBG dress but I couldn't find it. I was so bummed because I knew I had to look for another dress. We looked around Macy's for a while and I didn't really like anything. We looked in stores like Juicy Couture (because my mom wanted to check it out), BCBG Max Azria, this one store with expensive dresses called Barcelino, Nordstrom, The Limited, the juniors' section at Macy's - didn't find anything. Nordstrom had some really nice dresses but they weren't for prom and they were out of my price range. Damn me for having taste I can't even afford. I was just pissed off because I couldn't find a dress I liked and I shouldn't of decided to go to prom so late.

One of the last stores we went into was Jessica McClintock. I didn't really want a dress from there because I know of a lot of girls that already bought their dress there and their dresses didn't really impress me. I was just thinking to myself, "If there is a god up there, please, PLEASE help me find a dress now." Their sizes were wack. Everything was too big or too small. There was nothing in-between. While my mom went to go look for dresses for me, I was in the fitting room thinking, "Why did I listen to Amy?" Amy was the one who told me that I should go to prom. Almost everytime I listened to her, things would work out at first but I'd end up being screwed over somehow. Now, I'm not saying she's a bad person. I'm not blaming her for anything. It's just that I need to learn how to trust myself when it comes to making decisions. I guess you could put the blame on me (okay, I just had to say that). I was just so fed up with finding a dress I liked and was convinced that I wasn't going to find anything. I just told my mom to take me to Capitola to get that one pink dress she liked a lot.

However, as soon as I leave Jessica McClintock, I see this one really, really pretty dress on display at this one store called Arden B. I have heard of the store before but I never considered finding a prom dress in there. I liked the design of the dress. The top part of it was ornate, but it wasn't too over the top. I really liked the color too. I tried it on and it fit pretty good. The back was the only part I was concerned about, but it's not a big deal. We asked one of the employees about the jewelry we should get with the dress and she said bronze earrings and bangles. BANGLES! Excitement went through my body when I heard the word "bangles". Being the Indiaphile I am, I have always longed to buy a set of bangles and jingle them to get that one sound (like in Bollywood movies). We tried looking in Macy's for jewelry but ended up not getting anything. However, I exchanged my silver shoes for these chocolate brown with gold/bronze ones. The family gave me approval for the dress and shoes.
Ignore the Balikbayan box in the background, haha. Not the greatest picture, but it'll do for now. Sorry for all these shit pictures. Mother lost Sasha the transgendered camera over at Toro Park during my sister's school picnic.

As for hair, I'm not really sure what to do about it. I really want something like this:
I'm afraid I won't have enough hair. I don't know if I should just leave my hair down. I don't think I'll be able to pull off curls. Or maybe this:
Yes, I just had to choose another Leighton Meester picture. Gah, I have the biggest girlcrush on her at the moment. I want Gossip Girl now! My hair is about that long and I really love that hairstyle on her.

I remember when Christian came with me to Valley Fair the first time I looked for my prom dress. Everything I liked, I got a "That's not for prom" from him. Everything he liked, well, I didn't like. Sorry cuz. But the "That's not for prom" statement from him got me thinking: What exactly is a dress for prom?

These are the kinds of dresses that I usually associate with prom:
I'm not saying these dresses are horrible. I like that last one. For the most part, they're just not my taste. I'm not saying my taste is superior to anyone's though. These dresses are what I have constantly seen girls wear to prom. If that's your thing, then fine. It just isn't mine.

Unfortunately, I have taste that I can't even afford. My mom bags on me about it all the time. I know that senior year, I want a dress that I'm in love with. I wish I knew I was going to prom sooner! I'm really hoping that all this money I spent for prom is going to be worth it.

Someone needs to stop me from listening to that atrocious "I wanna make love in this club" song. I've listened to it about 10 times today. It's so addicting! I don't know why. Another addicting song: I Luv Your Girl by The-Dream. Amy and I were singing along to it in the car and I figured out the name of it just right now.

I have a math test tomorrow and I'm going to attempt to study for that now.

First post.

Yet another one of these blogs. Throughout my whole life, I have been obsessed with expressing my feelings by writing. For the longest time, I've been writing in notebooks until blogs came along. I was getting tired of LJ so I decided to try this out. I'm not really sure what the hell I'll write in this, but I'm looking forward to it anyways.

I've been craving lemon bars lately. 2"x2" squares of lemony goodness, mmm. Last time I had them was at the Mother's Day gathering. Ahhh, so good. We bought one of those lemon bar mix boxes in the closet and I'm really tempted to make some. I've been trying to watch what I eat because prom is coming up. We have quite a lot of lemons on the lemon tree in the backyard, so maybe one of these days I'll try to figure out how to make lemon bars from scratch without burning down the house.