FUCK IT, THUG LIFE! LOLOL.

God, I have the biggest crush on Robin van Persie from the Netherlands national football/soccer team and Arsenal FC (my team!). I think he's amazing. Shame he hasn't been in top condition as of late. He scored against France a few days ago though! They're playing against Romania tomorrow (well, the reserves are...I think?) and I'm really hoping Romania wins. Then we could say "au revoir" to Les Bleus and "arrivederci" to the Azzuri.
The list of soccer players/footballers I have been lusting over: Fabregas (!!!), Xabi Alonso, van Persie, Podolski, Iker, Henry (I think he's gorgeous even if he did leave Arsenal and plays for France). No Cristiano Ronaldo. We went our separate ways, haha. Don't worry, I appreciate the talent as well.

Anyways, the reason I'm making this post? I wish I knew what I wanted. Especially when it comes to guys.

Throughout my junior year, I was just trying to get over a certain situation. I was just an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, I'd be thinking about how badly I wanted to turn back time. The next minute, I'd really want a relationship but I'd be scared to follow through because I didn't want to be hurt again. The next next minute, I'd be thinking, "Fuck it, I just wanna have fun and just hook up with whoever I can."

Honestly, I thought I was over it. But I guess not. When I heard about what happened a few days ago, I felt so betrayed. I felt like I was fucked over. I just wanted to get revenge. I tried to convince myself I don't really care but there was that little part of me that still does. I don't know if I'll ever get over it.

Now, summer is here and I'm already talking to some guys. What is going to happen? Serious relationship? Summer fling? Random hook up? I guess there is always going to be that part of me that wants to have a relationship. I just know that for now, I want to have fun. Of course, I'll be careful and watch out for myself. I don't know, maybe a fling or a hook up would turn into something serious? I doubt it though.

I'm watching Clueless at the moment, and some of the lines about boys in this movie are amazing.

• "I don't know why Dionne is going out with a high school boy. They're like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them and they're just like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you."
• "So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so."
• "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."

One more year, geez. I remember talking with a friend about senior year and guys. We agreed that being single might make the year more fun because we wouldn't be so restricted. But ugh, there is always going that part of me that is longing for a relationship. Anyways. College guys probably won't be any better, but they'll probably be hotter. Haha. I've been wanting to go to another college party. Ahhh, all those cute guys!

Beneath it all, I just really want a guy

• that'll take care of me
• that is nice
  
• that can be my best friend as well
• with an amazing personality
• I can trust and tell anything to
• that'll help me through my hardest times and motivate me
  
• who could effortlessly make me smile/laugh
• whose eyes I can look into and with that one stare, all my troubles would be melted away
• who wouldn't be afraid to be called "whipped"
• who can think for themselves
• who is open to new ideas
  
• who would love me for me and would show that they do
  
• God, this is turning into a laundry list. Maybe that's why I'm unable to find a boyfriend.