R.I.P.

My mom's aunt passed away this morning. Yesterday, she wasn't able to eat. My mom was already talking about the burial and flying there, but I never expected my grandmother to die today. She's planning to fly out on the 11th and coming back on the 22nd. We were supposed to go to the Philippines this summer. I told my mom I didn't want to go for reasons of my own. I feel selfish, because my grandma really did want to see us for one last time. What if we did go? Would this not have happened? Did this happen because I did something wrong (karma)? I feel so paranoid about it. I don't know how to feel. People keep dying, and I just feel like I'm taking advantage of my life. I'm concerned about my mother though. This is the woman that took care of her (as well as her siblings and cousins) and the reason why she is the way she is today. I don't really know what else to say. I tried to make a playlist about this whole situation but I can't bring myself to do it.

R.I.P. Apong Cion.